Mid-year Resolutions

Before I write about anything else I must share with all of you, my faithful, devoted readers that my dear Chicky has passed on. To be completely honest it took me by surprise as she seemed to be on the upswing. It also took me by surprise how sad I was over this fact. I guess after devoting 3 weeks of my time and energy into this little bird I had grown a lot more attached than I had thought. We had an awesome German Shepherd that was poisoned and died while we were on furlough, yet even for him I didn't shed a tear...but Chicky was the recipient of many. I even heard Karis talking to somebody on her play cell phone today and say "Chicky died and mommy is sad." Then again she asked me several times today "does Chicky work now?" so apparently the concept of death isn't something a two year old can grasp mentally. I'm quite surprised she isn't more upset than she is, especially since Chicky was "her" bird :-)

I've been debating about posting about health, nutrition, weight-loss, etc, etc, for a few weeks now. So far I've convinced myself I'd be sorry if I do, yet out of desperation here I plunge (I'll just warn you Kim, Cristy and Angie that you may want to skip this post since it will be pretty much the same ol' same ol' I'm always complaining about yet never doing anything about).

Ok, so here it goes. I'm going to complain. I am so tired of being out of shape and miserable. Being 30 lbs heavier than I should be is torture and not just for esthetical reasons. I am addicted to sugar, coffee, carbs and anything else bad for your health. I have to do something NOW and so the idea is to air my dirty laundry on my blog so that I feel pressure/guilt to do what I know I need to do....now. Listen, I know I'm not the only one out there who struggles in these areas so please don't write me saying that 30 lbs overweight or 28 years of addictions are nothing compared to yours (if you happen to have more)...instead join me in making some new mid-year resolutions. Let's act out of guilt together! And if you've perfected these areas in your life then please lay on a good dose of guilt, if you don't mind. Don't sugar coat the truth (get it...sugar coat...haha).

Several things have happened lately that have made this a dire situation in my life, as far as I'm concerned...here are a few.

1.) The whole rolling thing. You can't continue playing soccer if you can't stop yourself from rolling when you fall. There is just something wrong about it. The alternative would be to not play soccer but we all know that is not the answer.

2.) The only men that I know of who read this blog are my granddaddy and my husband...if you happen to be a man other than them you may want to skip this cute little story. Anyway, Karis was helping me hang up laundry a few days ago. This is how the dialogue went...

Karis: "Are these your panties, mommy?" (she's handing me clothes to hang up out of the basket)
Me: "yep, those are mine."
Karis: "You're biiiiiiiiiig panties?"
Me: "Yep, my big panties" (heart sinking).
Karis: (picking up a pair of her own) "These are my panties. My little panties."

Now yes, I realize that even if my size 8 panties were the size 4/5 that they should be they would still be labeled "big" in her eyes. It doesn't matter though...I can't try to rationalize and minimize the guilt I need to feel.

3. I am so tired....so, so tired of wearing the same fat clothes I paid pennies for in the States. Clothes that I had planned on wearing for only a month or so after returning to Brazil because I knew I'd lose weight. I have this goofy shirt that I got at a garage sale that says something like "I've gone to look for myself. If I come back before I return please keep me here". So when I walked into a building the other day one of the ladies said "hey, you're wearing that shirt again!" I am sorry, but I only have 3 t-shirts that fit and I refuse...I refuse to go spend more money on fat clothes so that I can feel more comfortable and grace others with more variety. Not going to do it. But thanks, Gina, for bringing that to my attention...I need to muster up all the guilty feelings I can. This helps.

4. I'm uncomfortable. And I've discovered that really 30 lbs over weight isn't much worse than 10 lbs overweight. Although I probably shouldn't think along those lines. I may convince myself to be more lenient with myself. Either way I'm uncomfortable.

5. And last but not least I am moody. You cannot convince me (you can try, but you will not) that diet doesn't affect our moods. I truly believe in the value of eating nutritious meals and lots of raw fruits and veggies. For the short period of my life where I exercised self-discipline and ate a healthy diet (consisting of 60-70% raw fruits and veggies) I experienced living with a rational mind 98.9% of the time without the emotional outbursts that are now, unfortunately, a frequent part of my life. I had one of the worst mornings ever last week. It was so bad and I couldn't even pinpoint why it was so bad until I realized "oh, I haven't had my cup of coffee yet!". One cup of caffeine-saturated coffee later I was good to go ('til after lunch when I was ready for my 2nd cup). I really don't like being addicted to caffeine and white-processed health deteriorating chemicals. I feel more sorry for my family than I do for myself!

So if you don't mind (or even if you do mind since I can't read your mind) I'm going to hold myself accountable on my blog for a few things. I can't go too radical just yet since I know the process of detoxing is long and painful and we have only a week before our next move. But there are a few changes I want to make now...anyone want to join me?

1. I want to totally eliminate sugar from my diet for the time-being. Ideally I'd like to stay away from the white-processed sugar for the rest of my life but for now I'll focus on this month.

2. I want to exercise at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week.

3. I want to limit myself to one cup of coffee a day.

4. I want to eat a portion of something raw (fruit or veggie) before every meal.

Ok, that does it for my mid-year resolutions...for now anyway. Feel free to ask in the comment section every once in a while how I'm doing. If you don't hear anything for a while or if the picture on my profile hasn't changed (the one that was taken about 4 years and 30 pounds ago) then you'll know I'm not doing so well.

Here's to new beginnings!