Family Planning - A Godly Act?

I apologize for the sporadic posting. I really am sorry. But my friend sent me a link to this video which has me all fired up on this subject...I just HAVE to post about it now, while the million thoughts are running through my head. If you didn't already read yesterday's post, a fluffy family post, and you're curious about our new "news" I would encourage you to scroll down and read that first. This post will be quite controversial but I'm honestly hoping for a lot of feedback and discussion! It may be a long drawn out discussion since I'm down to a few people reading a day...but we'll see. Before you read anymore please go watch this video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-3X5hIFXYU

First off, I need to admit something. Growing up as the oldest of 9 children and having the experience of always feeling criticized for that fact (mostly from Christians and some from non) I admit that until recently I either 1.) Didn't want the subject to come up because it brought a lot of pain or 2.) The subject did come up but I was so defensive in my response that I unknowingly brought an abrupt end to the conversation. If you happen to be an individual who experienced the latter with me, I am truly sorry. I believe I'm to the point now where even though I do feel strongly on this subject I am open and WANTING an open, honest discussion on family planning (as Christians.)

To open up a discussion I'd like to present a case for why I have come to the conclusion I've come to. And that conclusion is, in a nut shell, that more often then not God wants to bless us as believers with more than 1.8 children. He wants His kingdom to grow through us reproducing AND evangelizing the world. Because I am not spending days writing and rewriting my position I may go back and change or edit something. But again, I'm anxious to open up this can of worms while the topic is heavily on my mind!

First off I'd like to address the most common "reasons" I have been told why Christian couples choose to limit and/or control the size of their family and my response to them.

1.) "I couldn't handle anymore children."

I believe that most people who use this as a reason to limit their family size do so very sincerely. They may feel overwhelmed at home with the children they already have and feel like they couldn't do a good job if they were to allow any more little ones into their lives. I understand this as I have gone through many things in my life that if I had known beforehand were going to happen and also had the choice to opt out, I probably would have! However this is not a biblical response. If you look at any of the heroes of the faith in the Bible all were called at one time or another to do something beyond their capability. God longs to do the "impossible" through us, His willing vessels. The truth is, we don't know what we can handle. Many of us go through situations in life that we didn't know we could handle yet were brought to the other side of the bridge, by God's grace.

2.) "I wouldn't be able to properly provide for them."

Because I grew up in what was considered to be a "poor" family and because a lot of that was due to the number of children my parents had I feel like this is a very easy case to argue. Not always (so please don't feel judged if this doesn't apply to you) but more often then not I feel like this reason has roots of selfishness. Many don't want to consider what they would have to give up material wise should they have more than 2 kids. The responsibility to provide and care for several children sounds overwhelming, I know. But when it comes down to it many Christians really don't want to consider giving up their nice car or home. Or yearly vacation. Or free time on the weekend. We must be very, very careful not to make such a big decision on something that can be rooted out of selfish desires. Or fear, for that matter. You may think "we're barely making it month to month as it is, there is no way we could survive if we had more mouths to feed." I and many, many large families can testify that as the family grows the Lord provides. You have to learn to live without some luxuries, but He does take care of our needs. I have absolutely NO regrets growing up in a "poor" home. In fact, I am extremely grateful for this. Even though compared to the rest of the world we never were "poor", compared to my friends who grew up in wealthy families we were and many friends who didn't experience life like we did suffered in some ways because of it. If everything is handed to you on a silver platter or you grow up with comforts and luxuries, viewing them as "necessities" it is going to be a lot more difficult to put others above yourself once you're out in the world. I see this firsthand in some of my friend's lives. Growing up for them was about ease, comfort and entertainment. They struggle to think of a world outside of themselves. Please know that I do not, by any means, want to make a generalization that those who grow up in wealthy families are doomed for failure. I know many wealthy families who have children who love the Lord, wholeheartedly. But we must reevaluate this reason if we are using it to control our family size. Am I making this choice based out of fear or selfishness? Am I lacking faith that God can and will provide?

3.) "I've seen what can happen to large families and the chaos that entails and I don't believe that honors God. I don't want that for my family."

Believe me, I do understand this reasoning. I am not naturally a very tolerant person of chaos. Spending a day in a home that is chaotic sends me home with a head ache and a heavy heart! We probably all know at least one large family that lives in constant chaos and it overwhelms us just thinking about it. But let's step back and look at this situation objectively. Is it really the number of children that is the problem? Or is the heart of the issue something else? I have walked into homes that have 1-3 children that are loud and chaotic. I've babysat for families who only have a few children yet their daily lives are far from peaceful. I have also walked into a house that was home to 10+ children but unless you knew the family personally you'd be shocked to discover that fact! The house is quiet. The children are respectful and peaceful while in the house. It is pleasant to spend time in a home like that. With that being said, could the heart of the issue be something completely different? It is true that if you have 2 out of control children in the home it still isn't as chaotic as 10 out of control children in the home. But why not focus on getting the children under control vs. using that as a reason to not have any more? If you are one who believes that every child should be involved in extra curricular activities then the thought of running here and there taking your kids to this practice and that practice then having more than 2 kids sounds impossible. And it probably would be. However we need to reevaluate why we believe all of these extra curricular activities are so important and whether or not they are the best for our family.

4.) "I wouldn't be able to spend the individual time with them that they need."

This is a very sincere concern on the part of many parents. But again, as the oldest of 9 it comes down to the parents making family time happen. Most kids would get bored with more than 20 minutes of one-on-one time with a parent. Family activities are so healthy and SO much fun in a large family! As long as parents are available for a child when it is needing individual attention, then really that is the main thing. I never felt "attention deprived" growing up and the amount of one on one time with my parents was rather minimal. Some children may need more than I needed but overall this is a concern that parents need not have. As long as family is important to you, you will be able to spend the time with your children that they need. I spent a month with a family here in Brazil who has 55 children (53 are adopted). If you walked into their home you would not be met with sad looking faces on the children who were so "attention deprived." On the contrary, they have a family unity that is amazing and although it is rare for a child to get more than 10 minutes of individual time with a parent at a time they are very happy and content children. The family dynamics were amazing!

5.) "I've seen large families with very dysfunctional children. That is not what I want."

There is something extremely sad about witnessing a large family send several dysfunctional children into the world. Instead of changing the world for good they have only added to the problem. But similar to question 3, can we honestly say that the size of the family is to blame? Sure, it's worse to add 10 basket cases to today's population than 2 but what is the heart of the issue? Let's focus on WHY those children have issues in their lives and seek to correct it. Not use that as a reason to not have more than a few kiddos.

6.) "Having more than a few children will hinder the ministry the Lord has given me."

Being on the mission field this is a very common concern. Children take time, which takes away from "ministry." But we have to remember that raising children is for a limited amount of time. "Ministry" may have to be put on hold for a short time but in the end the world is going to receive more "ministry" when you send several soldiers for Jesus out into the world! Not to mention how having children in itself opens up doors to ministry that otherwise wouldn't exist. God may place a desire in you to minister in a certain people group in a particular way (Indians, orphans, unbelievers at work, etc) and maybe you won't be able to go at it 100% while having children at home to raise. However, that doesn't mean that one day you won't be able to give it 100%. And who knows, maybe you'll have a grown son or daughter who has the same desire who can come along side and continue that ministry even after you're gone! There are so many possibilities. We have to be very careful not to rationalize and spiritualize a decision we've made without taking the time to pray and seek the Lord's hand.

Those seem to be the main concerns presented to me by those who choose smaller family sizes. If there is another biggie that I have missed please feel free to include that in the comment section!

Before I say anymore please let me clarify that I am not convinced that God wants everyone to have 6 or more children. My main motivation for writing this out and spurring on a discussion is because SO MANY never truly sit back, pray and seek the Lord in this area. It is the norm for a Christian couple to be counseled to put off having children a few years after they are married to "get to know each other" or "grow in their relationship" before the burden of children is put on them. Trying to decide "the perfect" time to have children is a scary thought because there is no perfect time. God uses children to grow us up and mature us in many ways. I realize that isn't the only way God matures us. It just seems like God likes to use children as a tool for growing His children. Why try to prevent that or delay it?

This IS a gray area to some extent and I understand that. There is no "thou shalt not limit the size of your family" written in His word. But I believe so much of it is about our mindset. I'm not including specific verses because it would take way too long (this is already taking up my afternoon!) but if you read throughout the Bible (especially the Psalms) you will see that children are labeled as a blessing. Do we really believe that? You will also see that the command God gave Noah (and never retracted or changed) was to "be fruitful and multiply." We've seen from the video what some of the consequences are (and will be) by not multiplying. The world would scoff at this idea, I'm sure, that having children is a godly act. Remember, it's not just having children but raising and training them to love Jesus...and to share His love with the world!

on a side note...

It is interesting to go back and discover the history of family planning in the U.S. We can learn so much about a subject by studying it's history! Who pushed this idea in our country? What were her intentions?

I want to reiterate again that although I do feel rather firm in my belief on this subject I understand that others will contemplate, pray, seek the Lord and come to a different conclusion. Really, that's ok because ultimately it is between us and the Lord. My biggest desire, as mentioned earlier, is to stimulate a discussion and for those who have never taken the time to pray about this subject objectively, would be inspired to do so. Let's discuss this very sensitive topic and may the Lord be glorified in it!

Let me end with one of my favorite quotes about children....

"Children are the luxury of marital life, the treasure of the parents, the wealth of the family life. Their presence develops a great number of virtues in the parents, the father and mother: love, devotion and self-sacrifice, the care for the future, interest in the community, the art of education. Children check selfishness in parents, reconcile the contrasts, soften the differences, bring the hearts of the parents ever closer to each other, give them a common interest that lives outside of themselves, and open their eyes and hearts to their surroundings and posterity."

-Dr. H. Barinck

Nope, not preggo.

So sorry for the mean trick I played on my last post! Sort of. I mean, I'm sorry it wasn't a nice trick but I did manage to get 19 whole readers that day! And that is quite an improvement from what I've been getting the past 5 months. I almost tried to come up with another doozy for this post (sp?) but I figure I need to space those out otherwise I won't be able to accomplish my objective (lure in readers.)

Because I am a gracious person I won't leave all 19 of you on pins and needles as to what my new "news" is (and because I have about 30 pictures to put on this post so I figure 14 of the 19 probably wouldn't make it that far!) The news is....we're heading to the States the end of the summer. For how long? Don't really know. At least 4 months. It seems like everything in our lives could be drastically changing soon! We don't really know. A lot of this began with a new policy the mission passed that (as of now) we do not feel inclined to comply with (after weeks of prayer.) We need to seek out all of our options. Our options to return to Brazil with the same mission, our options to return to Brazil with a different mission, our options to possibly take an assignment with the same mission in the U.S., our options to stay in the U.S. without being a part of a mission at all and our options to possibly join a different mission and go to a different country. That's all.

In some ways it's a scary place to be. In some ways an annoying place to be (I thought life was finally going to get somewhat predictable!) And in some ways it is a very exciting place to be. I have my own dreams and desires yet I am just praying wholeheartedly that the Lord will place on our hearts exactly what and where He would like us to be. Or if there are some options that we can choose from that we will have wisdom and unity in a choice.

We will be traveling towards the end of next week for 3 weeks or so. It will be nice to get away for a little while to reflect on all that has happened the past month! Jonathan will be taking his parents and our brother in law on a village trip to distribute some Old Testament recordings. Karis and I will get to stay with Jonathan's sister, Cristy, and her two little boys during that time! I'm looking forward to it.

So that's the big news.

Now that we have finally been able to download pictures onto the computer that were taken a few weeks ago! Karis experienced her first ever camp fire (I think her first, I am not so good about writing stuff down.) She LOVED it! She's been begging us to do it again. I hope we can before we travel next week...

Prep work. Jonathan hooking up some lights for the campfire. I don't know why. I didn't even think to ask 'til just now as I'm writing this post. Why do we need lights at a camp fire? Ah well, I'm sure there's a reason.

I think that is supposed to be a smile.

Yeah, must have been. This smile is somewhat normal.

I'm sorry this picture is sideways. It takes too long to rotate it, save it and then upload it again.

It really was fun! We used to go camping all the time before we moved here.

It took a while to convince her she could cook her nitrate laden hot-dog over the fire herself!

The child who hardly ever expresses any fear was afraid of the fire. This is a good thing, folks.

Uh oh, doesn't appear to be much fear left.

And this, my friends, is why I try very hard to always keep the camera in MY possession.

Another random note. Chief beat the odds and has conquered distemper! Now if he could survive the wrath of Jonathan as he continues to sneak into the house and destroy Karis' flip-flops. 5 pairs in less than 3 weeks. Good thing they only cost $2.50!

I'm pregnant with triplets!

Ok, just kidding but I couldn't come up with a good title so I thought I'd throw that in there for fun. Sure wish I could see or hear the reaction that title may have caused. I guess I'll just have to enjoy it via my own imagination :-)

I'm losing my readership. Really, I am. Perhaps it has something to do with the sporadic manner in which I've been posting the past 6 months. Twice a week, then once a month, then once every few months, then twice a week again. I'm not sure why but I find security in knowing I write something worth reading. Even if it is just family, the oh-so-obligated ones. The truth is, life has sort of taken over. Bloggy life was naturally put on the back burner as our days filled up with....stuff. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel!

I only have a few more weeks of Portuguese class. It has been a great blessing and has jump started my language learning in a new way, which I am very grateful for. However, having 3 1/2 hour classes twice a week is something I won't miss too much.

As my pictures take 30 minutes to load I'll go off on a slight rabbit trail. A Karis story, to be honest. Several weeks ago when Jonathan was traveling I had a friend offer to watch Karis so that I could go to Bible study (yahoo!). She was watching Karis at another friend's house whose children were already in bed. As I left I told Lita that Karis was probably going to ask for cookies but that she could only have water while I was gone (thinking that the munchkin would take advantage of the situation and do her best to convince Lita she needed lots of cookies in my absense.) However, I didn't think about the fact that Karis didn't eat very much for supper and may need something else before bedtime. So after an hour or so passed Karis began asking Lita for food but Lita wanted to respect my wishes of only giving her water so she kept turning down each and every request that Karis threw her way. After 30 minutes or so Lita saw Karis go out the front door (remember that by now it's 9pm at night and pitch black outside.) "oh, Karis, you need to come inside...don't go outside, it's dark." To which Karis replied in a pathetic & whiney voice "but I have to. I HAVE to find some food!"

My pictures have finally loaded! It is 2pm and I am just now finishing this post that began at 9:15am today....

I love this picture. They were watching soccer. This is what I would be doing myself after about 5 minutes of watching a black and white ball being kicked around a patch of grass. Brazilian soccer players do make it more interesting as they are quite dramatic when somebody so much as looks at them funny on the field. Yes, I'm done now.

Technically speaking dry season should be in full swing. Thankfully, we're still getting some rain!

Karis' new favorite thing to do is to build "airplanes" in her room. This is the most frequently built airplane.

She will crawl in there and spent up to 20 minutes sometimes just hanging out! Unfortunately this doesn't occur when I'm cooking or during a time I'd really like her to hang out underneath a pillow or two, but still, it's nice she can keep herself entertained.

And because I thought I was short on pictures this morning for this post.

Yes, this was part of a dance choreographed by the munchkin herself.

And because we're mean parents :-)



We have many changes taking place in our lives. After next week we'll have more details to share about what the future holds for the Kroeker family!

From the mouth of my 3 year old...

Karis:Mom, can I have a brownie?
Me: Nope, not tonight.
Karis: Ugh, I'm getting sick again. My tummy hurts. I need a brownie to help me feel better.

(this is the first time she has tried to use this type of manipulation:-)

Karis: Hey mom, remember when I was little and I thought I was big? Remember when I was big and I thought I was little? That's a silly catechism!

(I am teaching her a catechism these days, hence, the new vocabulary word)

Let the Sun Shine In....

Isn't Sunshine glorious? I truly never realized how much I was affected by the weather. We went a week or two without good sunshine and it was rough. Really rough. Now the sun has returned and kept us not-so-gloomy on a regular basis. I love the sun!

The sun means....

Laundry gets done! Fresh, grassy smelling sheets. Yum.

Having the sun out also means we have many butterfly friends around. My sister in law has a peculiar fear of butterflies. I love butterflies. I'm mentioning her fear to see if she's still reading my blog.

This has nothing to do with the sun but when I'm mentally prepared for the mess (about once a week) Karis' new favorite thing to do is to "cook"!

We really miss Vovô and Vovó!!

Everybody remember our little Chief (aka Chief-a-doo, Chiefton, etc)??

I have very sad news. Chief-a-doo has distemper. Poor little guy. I am treating him at home but his chances of making it are rather slim. He is acting so much more normal now after a few days of treatment (eating a little bit, playing) but I have to remind myself that that doesn't mean that he has a better chance of making it. He could in the next few months start having convulsions, and then that's it. Does anybody remember Chicky? My poor sickly, paralized parakeet from last year? Anybody seeing a pattern here? For your own good, animals, stay. away. from. us. Please, it is not worth the risk of catching the Kroeker-pet-curse.

On a slightly funny note...

Karis has heard me talk to others about Chief and so she understands that he is probably going to die. I guess she isn't old enough to be affected by this in a negative way but just takes it all in stride, confidently telling people "Chief is going to die". Well, the other day I was visiting with a friend in our living room when Karis came in running and exclaimed "Mommy! Chief isn't sleeping! And he isn't dead either!" Thanks for the great news, munchkin.

Kinda off subject, again. But sometimes I wonder if Karis is having vivid dreams at night and then remembering them the next day. Almost every day she says things like "remember when so-and-so climbed the mountain and fell off?" Uh, no. Don't remember that one. Or "do you remember Mrs. Smith? She has a present for me. It's a pretty box and a butterfly" (I'm serious about the butterfly...she really said that, I'm not just trying to stick with a butterfly theme.)

Alrighty-who, time to get this day started!

A short post....I think.

Karis and I are alone, once again. One of the great advantages to being apart from my hubs (got that word from Mamahen...thanks, I like it!) is that it is always so nice to reunite. Especially if his trip is longer than a week. It is still nice to reunite after a week but we're so accustomed to longer amounts of time that one week goes by pretty quickly. Anyway, we are already waiting for his return. And we have about 12 more days!

I took Karis to the little park here for a few minutes this afternoon. I have taught her how we can swing on the swing together and I called it "the spider" (what we used to call it as kids, not sure if that's a common thing to call it or just a Wesolowski thing?) So I put her on my lap facing towards me and we started swinging. Some kids started to approach and she said "hey look guys, we're doing spider fings! (things)"

One thing I haven't mentioned yet is that this past month I became involved with a few other girls in a ministry to a poor community on the outskirts of town. We go on Friday mornings to the school to teach a Bible class and then on Sunday afternoon we lead a children's church service in the same neighborhood. I am so blessed by this opportunity! So many of these children have parents who are either drunks, druggies or drug lords.

This is my friend Marcela who is pretty much heading up this ministry. She has such a heart for the children! I've been blessed by her in many ways.

This is the building we use on Sundays to teach.

And since I haven't taken my camera yet here is one obscure picture that happens to have me in it. And it just so happens that I only look 20 lbs overweight in this one as opposed to 50 lbs overweight in the other pictures. This little boy is so cute...he is our most faithful attendee; he sits on the front row and listens so intently!

The reason that I went into all of that is because I spent this afternoon preparing because Tuesday I am going to be teaching the missionary story at the school. Up until now I've only been going, watching and then trying to mingle with the kids. Let me tell ya, telling a detailed story in a second language is going to be much more complicated than I thought! As I read over the story again today I wrote down all of the words I wasn't familiar with. Only about 50 of them...and I only have 1 day left to learn these new words. Oh sheesh. Help. Call Marcela. She came to my rescue and helped me come up with new ways to express what I need to without memorizing 50 new words in 24 hours! For instance, instead of trying to remember the verb for "trip" or "stumble" I'm going to say "he hit his foot and almost fell". Now I am so nervous I don't know what to do with myself but I know this is going to be so good for me. You have to start somewhere! I just hope I don't REALLY mess up because if I say something hilarious I know I won't be able to stop laughing. That's just what I do, laugh uncontrollably at my own expense. It would not be good.

And so, the entire reason I even decided to write a post tonight is this...I watched a video that changed my life. Really. I am a different person, for the good. I looked on Youtube and it is on there in several segments! You really need to make time to watch it. It will leave you in awe, giving you a better concept on who God is, who we are and the amazing things He has created. I feel like watching it again tonight!

Here is the link to the first video (the rest are on youtube as well...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn2dPZDMOWA

You will be very blessed, I know!

Busyness...but the good kind.

Finally, a new post so that people won't see that goofy picture of a bird on my head! I used to have the habit of being so careful not to do anything that may be slightly embarrassing (post teen years, of course) yet now I am finding freedom in just being, yeah being...even if that means a bit of uninhibited silliness (BTW, now that I'm approaching 30 I do find satisfaction in using the word "silly" and am not embarrassed about this fact.) I'm not sure if my perception is changing or if it's really true but I feel like I have fewer embarrassing moments now that I'm not so worried about being labeled as an odd individual. All of that to say...posting a potentially embarrassing picture of a green parrot on my head is the new and improved me!

Moving on...


Are you one of those people who tends to always say "I'm so busy" even when you aren't THAT busy. I am. I mean, it is such a convenient excuse and even if life isn't chaotic it always feels kind of busy. I am confessing that because I want you to know that I am not kidding when I say life has been busy. Like, really, really busy. Almost whirlwind kind of busy. BUT, a really good kind of busy. Here are a few things going on in the Kroeker home....

April 19th Mom and Dad Kroeker arrived from the U.S.! We've been looking forward to this time for a while. Karis has been soaking in the attention and we've enjoyed spending time visiting around the dinner table, playing cards, etc (hey, playing cards is a part of the busyness, ok?) We've enjoyed the past few weeks, busyness and all. Here is a picture of the munchkin with her vovô and vovó. This picture cracks me up...if you don't know why I'll explain underneath....


Do you see that oh-so-attractive man that Karis is pointing to in the picture?

Yeah, this one....



As Karis was helping make some picture books for the Indians she suddenly exclaimed "hey look, I found a picture of vovô!"

Thankfully dad Kroeker found it as humerous as we did (and let us take a picture...or two...or ten)...


Having in-laws around also means having built in babysitters. The best babysitters. There is nothing like taking off for the day knowing your child is being kept entertained more than when you yourself are home with her.

So here is one way we took advantage of the situation (and yes, this counts as part of the busyness too)....

We went to a water park for the day! Just the two of us. And not just any park but the world's largest naturally heated water park. All of the water is heated underground and then comes out into these natural springs where they channel it into the water park. In fact the water park doesn't even have to use chemicals in the water (at least I don't think they do) because the water is constantly being emptied and refilled. I think they said the entire wave pool has completely new water every three hours.

Anywho, here's a picture from the front of the park....



It really is wild to be driving along a two lane road with nothing in sight then to come upon this water park. It isn't well marked either so you have to know where you're going.

We had the lady at the check-out counter take a picture of us at the end of the day. The waterpark is right behind us...

Besides having built in babysitters we are also blessed that my in-laws like to stay busy and they like to serve. This meant Jonathan and dad getting lots of projects done and this meant mom totally organizing over half of my house! Really, I'm not kidding. It is so nice. I get to go to Portuguese class and then come home only to see one more project done that has been in the "to do" list for quite some time (or shall we say, 6 months, since that's when we moved in?) Not only that but she does a better job than me as I'm a spastic organizer. I don't always organize for the sake of organizing but more to make sure everything is behind cabinets so that I don't have to look at it. It doesn't matter that 50 pieces of tupperware come falling out when I need to retrieve one. Why? Because I know what lies ahead. I simply throw my arm across the cabinet to hold the 50 pieces of plastic in place as I retrieve what I need and then ever so quickly slam the door again. There, I don't have to see the mess and the task at hand is accomplished. My mother in law on the other hand organizes to relax. No really, she does. It took me several years to finally believe her and now that I do I am reaping great benefits. Take a peek....

This is just one of many cabinets. Well, she organized all of the cabinets in my dining room, kitchen and living room. I get a peaceful feeling when I open the doors now that I don't have that surge of adreneline required to keep things behind closed doors while trying to retrieve an item. Aaaaaaaah....I am truly thankful.

I really gotta bring this to an end. Here are a few random pictures...

Chief (also known as Chiefton or Chief-a-doo) has grown a bit...

Karis "cooking" the morning away.

(look at the next few pictures...that white cabinet behind Karis is the tupperare cabinet....can you tell what's going on?)


I've had my hubby home for 3 weeks now but will be losing him again in about 8 hours. This next trip will only be a few weeks long so even though we'll really miss him we can handle that!